our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
