I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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