Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
