why im i the only drunk person in the library?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
tell me about the eggs
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
