; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
