I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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