4 words: hood of his car
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I want her autograph on my taint
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
