You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
