I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
