you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize