omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
