lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
