and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
