So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
