I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
