sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
