At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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