Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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