nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
