It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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