If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
