those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
