Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
