well I can't set my house on fire every night
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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