you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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