Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
