I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
