You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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