Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
