We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
