And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
