Tell her she can't have a vagina
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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