I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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