I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
