why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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