how can u be prego again
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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