wat bout pragnant strippers??
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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