Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
