I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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