Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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