if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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