i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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