So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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