A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
