i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
