My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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