porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize