1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
