you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
