mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you traded sex for a burrito?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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