I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
