Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Life is so much better after having sex.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
