Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
