She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
