my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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