Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize