We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
