If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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