I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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