I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
