Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
