Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
