Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
