I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
