Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
