in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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