There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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