The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize