im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
