The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
