is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
