I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
